Here’s something that often happens in my leadership development programs. During breaks or over meals, someone will pull me aside. By then, they’ve usually heard that I come from a working-class family, and that I was the first in my family to graduate from college.
They lower their voice, like sharing a secret: “I’m from a humble background too. First in my family to go to college.”
Then they pause and quietly admit: “Sometimes I walk into meetings or boardrooms, and it hits me: everyone else seems to belong. They came from elite schools, well-off families. I wonder… how did I get here?”
They feel the need to justify their place in the room.
I’ve heard this many times, and every time, it carries the same undercurrent: self-doubt.
So I offer something that isn’t quite advice. More like a reframe:
You’re in the room.
Someone decided you should be there. And here you are.
Starting with “Should I be here?” is like showing up already a step behind.
That question is a drain on your energy, your attention, and your presence.
You don’t need to justify your existence. You’re already here.
So shape the room. Engage with it. Fill it with your full self.
This isn’t mysticism. It’s reality.
Or, as Sartre might put it: “We exist first, and it’s up to us to shape that existence.”
So, what will you do with it?
Acknowledging the Complexities
That’s the core message. But of course, the story doesn’t end there.
There are real tensions that complicate this picture. And I hear them often.
1. Being in the Room Isn’t Always Enough
Yes, being invited in matters. But what happens next is where the real work begins.
I’ve heard leaders say they still feel invisible once they’re in the room, as though the invitation was symbolic, not substantial.
That’s real. Power dynamics don’t vanish. But presence is power, if you claim it.
You may not control the room, but you can claim your place in it.
No one can erase your presence without your permission.
2. Bias and Inequality Are Real
Structural barriers don’t disappear just because you’ve made it through the door.
They persist. And pretending otherwise is naïve.
But here’s what I’ve seen over and over:
Internal barriers—like self-doubt—can be just as paralyzing as external ones.
If you can’t clear your own way, how will you face what’s outside?
3. Imposter Syndrome Isn’t Just in Your Head
Many capable, seasoned leaders have told me, “I feel like a fraud.”
The feeling may not go away. But here’s a reframe:
Imposter syndrome often means you’re pushing into new territory.
It’s a sign of stretch, not failure. Growth rarely feels like comfort.
4. Yes, Privilege Opens Doors
Privilege shapes access. Let’s not pretend otherwise.
Merit alone rarely gets you in.
But once the door opens, it’s what you do inside that defines your impact.
In my experience, those who had to fight to get in often make the strongest use of the opportunity.
They know what it took.
5. Preparation Still Matters
Being in the room doesn’t mean winging it.
You still have to show up prepared.
But I’ve seen people who’ve done the work still falter because they doubt their right to speak.
Preparation without presence won’t carry you.
If you’ve earned the seat, claim it.
6. Beyond the Boardroom
The room is a metaphor, of course.
It can be your role, your workplace, your family, your society.
Philosophers have long asked what it means to be in the world.
Sartre’s idea that existence precedes essence reminds us: we don’t earn our way into being. We begin with it.
From there, it’s on us to shape a life and to create meaning.
7. Isn’t This Too Simple?
Yes, the starting point is simple: You’re in the room.
But that simplicity is part of its power.
From that place, you can begin.
From that place, you can wrestle with bias, you can question the rules, and —why not?— challenge the system.
But not from outside it, wondering whether you belong.
You’re already here. So—what now?
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